So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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