I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
