At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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