yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
