He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
