Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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