Your face is a jimmy john
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
