uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
