i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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