Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
