summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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