he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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