It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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