i jhust puked up my retainher.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
