We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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