Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
