Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
