If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
