Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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