I should be sponsored by Trojan
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
