Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
