So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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