I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
