If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your penis caused this!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
