dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
