nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this beer tastes like vomit already
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
