I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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