i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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