he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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