I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
4 words: hood of his car
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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