If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
