My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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