people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
