Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
where am i from again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
