His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
