my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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