So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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