Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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