We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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