How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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