I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
