She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
