farters have to be the big spoon...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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