Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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