He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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