If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
