I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
