Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
