If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
