Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
